Existence of mermaids finally proven!

Something which I have hoped for these many long years is that the existence of the mermaid (piscespartes dominia) has been finally confirmed. US government science advisors have rushed to deny this after the discovery channel released the news this last week but there's no fooling the canny folks who live along the eastern seaboard of the USA and who are even now packing up rod and reel with a view to catching themselves a trophy. Never mind the traditional formaldehyde Marlin or the demure and tasteful Billy Bass mounted on the den wall. Imagine what the boys in the fraternity would say to a beautifully stuffed mermaid with pert little titties and a big-ole sardine tail "down below"

Of course, none of this would be possible without the intervention of the good-ole-boys in the North Carolina state legislature who say that we don't have to believe scientists any more and that we can rely on historical evidence for all our daily truths. The bible has real pictures of mermaids that were drawn by a man who actually seen 'em in real life when he signed on aboard Noah's ark as a deck hand.  The picture is in the Nuremberg Bible so it has to be true! Those mermaids even have a little mer-dog to get the newspapers in for them. Ahhh.

So, there you have it. Santa Claus is true because NORAD tracks him wherever he goes. Mermaids exist because it says so on Discovery channel and especially in the Bible which we all know cannot tell a lie and never EVER cuts down apple trees. God did make little green apples cause Tony Bennet said so and that's good enough for most people. Darwin was a lying poof and that poor tortoise, lonesome George only died because that SOB gave him a vernacular disease. Y'all have a good one!